i wonder what i'm getting myself into. do i really know? do i bother to find out?

once bitten, twice shy.

and then everyone puts on their fake smiles of sympathy and tell me that everything will turn out okay, that i'm perhaps making a mountain out of a molehill. tomorrow will be so much better. it's okay, everything will find a way to make it right again. the sun will shine again. you'll get what you deserve. perserver on and you'll get there one day.

ha. i have a lot of one days in my future. i beg to differ. i'm just too tired of it all. of life in general. yes, i know i've repeated that countless of times here. but what can i do? it's not like i have any control over situations turning out the way they do. emotions and feelings that are constantly repressed want to burst out of me right now. but i don't let it. it's unfair that people don't appeciate what i offer until i stop offering. but you know what? the thing is that no matter how hurt i feel, how under-appeciated i feel, i wouldn't tell anyone "no, i cant do it, i cant help you." because underneath it all, i know i'll feel too guilty for words. i have a helping people tendency. it makes me feel happy knowing that i helped someone and that person's day is slightly better because of it. but guess what? i'm compromising what i owe myself.

i wish i can go up to people and tell them, "look, say the words thank you. acknowledge what i've done." i know it seems rather egoistic and all, but it's getting worse knowing that what i've done to help with the situation has gone unnoticed. and i'm sick of people taking me for granted. and i'm constantly drawn back to square one. would it hurt so much just to say thank you and mean it?

hope.

such a simple thing really.

faith.

such a pretty sentiment.

yet all this takes courage. courage is needed for hope to endure and faith to continue believing. i DON'T want to believe anymore. because the more i believe, the more it hurts. and when i'm alone, contemplating stuff, it gets worse. the mind is a dangerous thing when it starts to wander or to get bored. because a person is given the opportunity to reflect, to think back on the day. and to realise that even though the hope is there, every day it rapidly diminishes and at the end of it all, it's not worth all the time and effort. the sad thing is that this only hits you when you're feeling tired and sick of the trials life brings.

had a crappified day. seriously sucked. for some reason or another, my left eye was pain and kept brimming with tears. must be because i practically forced the contact into my eye. it didn't start to feel pain until i reached school. another sign of a bad day just around the corner.

there was this tensed atmosphere in school today. that sounds rather insane but it's true. i felt oppressed and the humidity of the weather was getting to me. badly. i wanted to strangle someone. i needed a hug. now i sound way more pathetic than i already feel. haha! wonderful. just because i didn't know how to explain a few particular lines of chaucer, my tutor came to the conclusion that i didn't do my work properly. i merely skimmed the surface. so as a punishment, i have to properly prepare 100 lines by monday. and my day just keeps on getting better and better. i happen to not have cca on wed, so i went home by myself again. and when i got home, i realised that i forgot to bring my housekey. haha, locked myself out again. once was obviously not enough.

so i went to the reading room to get some work done. did 20 lines of chaucer. going to have to do 20 lines per day at this rate. because it's so freaking hard to understand. sat at the reading room and periodically called home to see if cheryl was back. then, 2 hours later, i decided to heck it and went to check. surprise! cheryl was home! and totally not answering the phone. g.r.e.a.t. totally sucks. and my vj skirt? the slit is so bloody short. i think it's practically non-existant.

realised how shitty my piano playing is. realised how shitty this whole fucking week is. realised how much i want to scream the word fuck to everyone. this has been a great day. i am absolutely thrilled and delighted that this day is turning out the way it is.

did some weird calculating thingy. apparently my number is a 1. and i think it's true.

1. Symbol of divinity

Qualities:
Great determination, purposeful, self confidence, great achievements, inventive, sometimes brilliant and a special liking for action and power.

A number one likes to be a leader, takes responsibility, is friendly to the weak. He or she is ambitious, stubborn, and sometimes underestimate the character and work of others

after i start reading other people's blogs, i realized that i'm not sure what kind of blog mine is. people say that a blog is supposed to be a reflection of your true self, or some crap like that. some people also say that a blog is for you to write your thoughts down or just to comment on your day or stuff in general. so what's mine? i write serious stuff sometimes, and others, i simply go mad.

then again, i've always been mad.

at times like this, i miss my mind.

i wonder where it went to.

sometimes i find it so hard to say what i want to say. that's kinda surprising isn't it? coming from me? "i had a speech all prepared but it went away" that line came from spike. (buffy the vampire slayer) and well, i think it seems to fit what i'm trying to bring across here. things normally don't go as planned. that's the way life is. because if life was too easy and laid out all ready for us, it just simply wouldn't do! hell no, they want to keep us on our toes. i realised how much i like pain. when i'm in the mood for pain, that is. anyway, some people will say that's insane, but seriously, if you think about it, when pain is classified as self pity, as hurt, it takes on a far more different meaning that just the physical pain.

tomorrow
i'll be on my way
to a distant land
so far far away

tomorrow
i'll be past your sight
past the hurt and anguish
way into the night

tomorrow
when you look and never see
the hopes the joys and the blindness
you're not
a part of me

just remembering orientation II. i practically slacked the whole of day 3 in the canteen with Norman. he's my grand senior. i dun know why he likes to call himself that since it makes me think of an old old man. but whatever. he came at around 12... and we waited until around 5 just to dance the mass dances. according to him, it's MESS dances. and it's only fun when it's mass. imagine dancing in front of the mirror by yourself. no fun in that of course.

felt too tired to want to do much except mooch around the canteen. walked around the school with him for a while, went to visit his old archive room. it was quite interesting. saw the photo album with vj and david beckham there.

it was basically quite crazy when the mass dances started. there was one Norman termed as the "violent" dance. it was positively freaky. but his excitement is contagious. when people started giving him weird looks for being so enthu, i explained that he was a year 3 and was once an OGL. that seemed to solve the problem. everyone knows how enthusiatic OGLs are. but it really was violent. Norman says it's violent but has style. i don't think he'll be thinking that way if he had killed me in the process.

during the finale, when the MCs were saying, "you may not know it, but your ancestors are sitting with you now", our whole class or what remained of it was laughing. it was for some role play with a tribal theme. we were laughing because, duh, our ancestor WAS there, sitting with us. oh well.

my weekend is gone. wonderful. dinner with cousins.

colourblind. the pretty blues, the reds and the greens. all gone. and it was gone in a blink of an eye. pun intended. heaven knows why i wrote that. i just felt like screaming something along the lines of pinks, blacks, and purples. colourful. i live in a colourful world. but sometimes, when you think everything's either black or white, it's neither. it's grey. i think i've succeeded in annoying my own self by all the colours written down there.

silence can be deafening. and cold. lonely. lost. spiraling into the gloomy depths of the abyss. i feel so alone. i need a hug.

hug my computer!!!!

er...

enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise

i hope they receive the pga. go people!

had quite an enlightening lit lecture today. *snorts* something along the lines of "we always think of ourselves-- i want you, i need you, i wish you'll be mine-- and we're so selfish we never consider what other people want" yada yada yada. chaucer has the ability to make me more confused than i already am. actually, all the subjects invoked that sense of helplessness in me. was trying to look hardworking in econs so that ms tan wouldn't call on me. i frankly had no freaking clue about the whole question. but i was listening.

just felt very tired. i want something, but i'm not even sure what's that something i want. just... something. nette said that deep down i know what it is. but i cant figure it out. it's just a thing. a need for something? like something;'s not quite right with me, i feel. then there are times i feel so down, so tired and so irritated. like a single small thing will set off my fuse. i know anger shouldn't control a person, but perhaps i like being in a pissed off mood. maybe because it distracts me from the patheticness of my existance.

emotions shouldn't be controlled but i realised i've been doing a fair share of controlling my emotions as of late. it's hard to tell. i'm sensing a change. but it's a subtle one. so slow and therefore not that noticeable. but nonetheless, it's there. just a small change. i'm tired of it all.

am i a fickle person? sonya seems to think so. perhaps. but when it comes to relationships with friends, i'm not fickle. i know who i like and who i don't. stubbornness would be a better word i guess. or rather, a liking for disappointments. have i said that before? yes, i think so. ah, where would life be without its great disappointments and trials? *snorts* i suspect i'll be much better off. in a way, i've been lucky enough to go through extreme disappointments and great bouts of endless joy. *rolls eyes at the stupid phrasing* but it's kinda true. so... cheers.

people hide behind their facade. everyone has two sides. but most only glimpse one particular side. i think i'm hiding behind one. but people rarely see the real me. oh well, now i sound so drama queen. whatever.

2 days without school. the joy.

my hands are itchy. no, i do not have some weird hand foot and mouth disease. i just miss playing the drums. yes, i can get my daily fix of using my hands when i type on the keyboard or when i'm playing the piano. but it's been way too long since i touched a drum set or my drumsticks. i can thank stupid ste for that. flew off to dunno where to study (aus) and stole my sticks!!!! okay fine, so ithey was actually his and he loaned them to me but he has another pair... couldn't he leave me with that one?! that reminds me, i think i'll be going to ps on saturday after guides to buy the sticks. i miss drumming.

then again, very few people know i play drums. because when it's a hobby, it's not something terrible like piano. at least i have rhythem. while when i'm playing the piano, i dont have the TONE. i dont even know what the tone is. or rather, i cant seem to hear it.

tone. moan. groan. see? it all links together nicely.

orientation again. dunno whether i want lessons or not. perhaps not. but still, i hate getting all sticky and sweaty and tired out from the mass dances. yes, i know i can not participate, but walking out from the hall too many times isn't a very good thing to do. i should participate. but i'm still trying to think if i should pon tmr. most likely i'll end up coming. i cant seem to get mcs. nor do i want to waste money on them.

tired. played my piano already. needless to say, i'm bored.

i'm not saying i'm a fantastic writer, but i'm not a bad one. i get really irritated when people who are definitely not good writers proclaim that they are at the top of their lungs. it's embarrassing. not to mention, sheer humiliation when people actually read their stories and flame them. i remembered reading one so bad (fanfiction) in which she twisted the story so terribly that all the 7 reviews she received were flames. i was kind enough not to flame her. it was shocking and downright disgusting. and she believes she has talent. i stopped writing fanfiction for a year or so because i knew my standard of english wasn't there. i only took to writing when i read something quite inspirational. i didn't expect reviews, but i got them. furthermore, they were good ones. so i continued writing. and i've received nothing but compliments. and of course advice on how to make improvements. writers must always know when to take good criticism. yes, i know that if i don't like a person's story, no one's putting a gun to my head and forcing me to finish it, but sometimes it's simply too bad. and that person expects praise. *snorts*

2 more days of orientation. wonderful. absolutely wonderful. grr

nyahahaha.... i shall continue to post as there seems to be not much i can do. after all, i'm waiting for my hair to dry. and we all know that'll take a damn long time. going to return my library books soon. and to think i borrowed them on thursday. they were not good. i don't know how to pick good stuff.

thursday went to cheng san library... shall we say "no wonder you couldn't get anything good"? should have gone a little further and went to the one at compass point. but shall we also say "lazy!!!" went to the CD shop and stood there drooling at the CDs that i want to get but will never be mine. someone get me the guns n roses CD. they rock. but shhh... don't tell. and i wanted the josh groben one too. alas! no money! okay, i had some money but it was the GP fund. so i really shouldn't spend it.

i want to go and see the passion of the christ. but my pastor says it might be an RA rating. or who knows? the new nc 18 rating. hopefully it'll just be nc 16. then it'll be quite fun to go as a cell. should be quite a revelation. oh, that reminds me, todays' guest preacher was good. it is through faith that we are saved. hey, that even rhymes.

i am rapidly going to sink into a state of near depression. orientation again. not that i want lessons either. but the thought of doing all the making friends and what not seems slightly tiring to me. i feel tired and old and not at all 16. maybe because i need sleep? i'm not too clear on that issue. school rarely excites me. i need something exciting. i think edna tan might go so far as to suggest a history essay. not that i'm that desperate to start mine.

lecture on ASEAN, fire gas electrical accidents on saturday. it might be fun. if i feel like making a go of it. and i don't even know the mynah sec 1s. and no one's updating the guides webpage. and i like complaining. it's my hobby.

creative genius is often surpressed by people who are jealous of what you have. they tell you: it's not a job, it's only a hobby. so i have decided to make complaining my job. how? i'm not too clear on the details. perhaps i could be a journalist, writing columns complaining about the government or old age or children. or i could set up a club for complaining and be the president. we'll have talks on the best ways to complain. it'll be a real hit.

er....

i need to pack my bag. then again, what's there that i need to bring? not much! please! just gimme one more day. that's all i ask.

i'm done with waiting and waiting and waiting. it's never going to happen. i moan my poor sad deluded self. i wallow in the depths of self pity.

er....

ok! right. there's the great big transection of high to low. i feel like a cockroach. someone squash me.

spill my guts!

thinking back on a while ago. i remembered how just after 2 days in vj, i really thought i made the wrong decision. it just wasn't my thing. but now, i'm pretty glad i'm there. you could hear the huge sigh of relief when i got the posting results. strange isnt it. but no matter how much i like the jc, i will still maintain the tradition of grumbling every morning when i set off to vj. come on, i know we go to school for the education, but i think i am happy there because of the friendships and the atmosphere. wonder why i'm so sappy today. maybe because my days of slacking are over and my holidays are gone.

went to the SJI campfire yesterday. as well as the exhibition at the science centre. i thought it was pretty cool. both, i mean. oh well.

my wonderful dreams are up in smoke. gone! vanished! disappeared! mei you liao! alle! i can speak three languages. let's hope people are not naive enough to think that. wad dreams? dreams of slacking during the holidays. i was painstakingly counting down to the march hols. but guess what? haha! there's only 2 more days left. i need more time. i need the time to stone. to relax at home. to go out shopping. i spent my time at camp. practicing piano. going for class hour and playing the piano in front of people. i need my personal time. i'm gradually becoming hysterical.

homework! piling up! *cannot breathe cannot breathe* plus, me being the fickle minded person i am, finally decided to go to the SJI campfire on saturday. one more day less to cram all the stuff in.

je suis convaincu. folie! folie! *i mean, that's the only reason i'm speaking french* yes, while i did say i do not know that beautiful language, i do possess SOME knowledge. but let's not talk about the pronoucing it since my accent sucks. whatever. i try not to let people know i know anything.

it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. i wonder who said that? that person must obviously have been insane. i wonder if it's because i don't feel like taking chances. okay, so maybe i'm contradicting myself. i do want to take the chance. but maybe the chance doesn't want to give me a shot. makes sense? after all, most things in life works both ways. and unfortunately, we cant have our cake and eat it too. we always want the feeling of being safe and secure, but if we don't take the risk, we'll never know. it's certainly been a long time since i remembered. sigh, if only i had chosen to forget. but that's life. we always seem to chose the particular thing that almost always never works out fine.

i wonder what's in the water to make me say stuff like this. must be the excessive piano playing.

but seriously. i wonder. what brought on all those kinda cynical remarks about love? is it because i'm lacking the feeling of being loved? *snorts* what? isnt love more than just liking how the person looks? it's liking the person inside as well as outside. after all, as my friend put it so well, (stupid guy, i wonder if i even believe him), looks fade but inner beauty endures forever, or something crappified like that. i laughed then. because i simply didn't believe that. but perhaps it's time to start being more accepting. i'm not putting anyone down, but it's just an opinion that looks matter more. sometimes it's the ONLY thing that matter. to some. who eventually realise their folly. *go to confession all ye who have thought like that!* isn't intelligent conversation better? heaven knows i need some desperately now. intelligent conversation i mean.

because no matter how many times i am disappointed, i always (like an idiot) ask for more disappointments.

i'm a complete computer genius! not. how the hell do u connect the camera thingy to the computer thingy to get the pictures online? isnt there a programme to teach this kind of thing? why do mere mortals like me have to suffer the whole tediousness of scanning the pictures in? what happened to the old fashion camera? what happened to the backwardness of technology? or lack thereof?

woe is me

came back from camp. survived. not that i was thinking i wasn't going to. it was talks and some marching and basically fun. fun because the people there were corny. but i cant imagine myself going for basic training camp II. that one wouldn't just be two days one night. it'll be four days three nights. of training. outdoors. i dont think the words outdoors and christine go together. it just doesn't sound right.

i think i went slightly insane. the laughing and the giggling. and at night, i think i went into some sort of lameness redrawal. messaged eldon to tell me something lame. it was midnight. hmm... it's the people that make the difference between a sucky camp and one that's fun. but yet again, it could be due to the fact that the camp was only two days.

but i didn't enjoy the end. and sometimes i feel like it's just a stupid waste of time. the only reason i wanted to be a unit helper was because i could go back and help the guides in my school. but now it just might not be so possible after all. and that sucks. i'm considering not being a unit helper if i find myself not posted back to SN. and i'm serious. who cares about all that bullshit?

and i also realized that i get really irritated whenever i think about that stupid issue. feel like showing my third finger to everyone i meet. gladys could tell when i called her how irritated i was. not just cos of certain stuff i said. whatever. this is only serving to piss me off further.

spent the day trying to sort out my history notes. looked at the stack of history notes for 10 minutes. confidently declared that i would not be able to finish it by the end of the day. chucked it to one side. took out cold war shit and finished the short answers. wonderful. i feel so productive. eh, it's true! at least i did something. i could have done NOTHING.

smile: tomorrow might be worse. i guess so. who knows what the future holds? and if you do know what the future holds, will you work as hard, slog your butt off even though you don't get what you deserve in the end? see, that's the beauty of the unknown. because no one really knows, our actions will be what we meant them to be. a little confusing, but it sounds better in chinese. we do things because we hope for a specific outcome. but if we know what happens in the future, our actions will be different... ultimately, they'll affect the final outcome. and i love making myself and other people more confused than ever.

i need a new motto. or a new saying. whatever you call it. quek has her "you rock my socks". of course, i don't want to keep saying that. that's her line! until i figure it out...

ming and i were talking. and then she told me i was speaking funny. suddenly i possessed an accent. rubbish. i've always been speaking like that. it's her fault for not talking to me for such a long time. then she said i was trying to act cute. rubbish. i don't need to act cute. i'm already cute.

hoo boy. i think to write/ say something like that, i must be high again. grr. wonder how that happened?

oh ya. cheryl's blog has a cool background. after all, deacon frost from blade. that's like saying "duh".

the ways of the weird. no more poems. at least for now. i submitted my challenge. so no more hahaing at christine's pathetic attempts to think up some fool thing. friday was kinda sad, cos i knew that i might not be seeing my classmates again. people kept telling me that 10 points should be able to stay in vj, but one should never assume anything. like sonya loves to say: assumption is the mother of all fuckups. and i guess i can see her point. better to assume the worst and be sad for a while then to assume that everything's going to be a okay and then find your world totally crashing down.

yes, vj has become a big part of my life, surprisingly considering i've only been here for about 2 months. i still miss SN and would love to go back on days other than for guides, but vj's just... (fill in the blanks yourself) and i know i'll miss the people there. not just my classmates but the seniors as well. i guess the people is what makes a place worth staying aint it? i honestly don't want to think about it. so i should just stop worrying right? honestly.

on to a less depressing topic then: edwin and his coconut. edwin's this nice senior in 53. apparently he found a coconut somewhere in school. it looks like his pride and joy. hmm... when you shake the coconut there was all the sounds of splashing juice in it. edwin kept drumming his hands on it and sangeeta looked really amused, probably thinking about the greatness of life if the coconut cracked when he was hitting it.

the joys of history: thick stack of Napoleon readings to do for the holidays. does edna tan know that we only have about 7 days to finish everything? i can see myself being buried under readings. got back history test paper today. B. i got a B. 15.5/25. quite happy about that since i thought i screwed it up. now isnt life peachy. when you think you did okay, you DONT. when you think you've done a boo boo, you DONT. why is it always the opposite? i'm convinced life just wants to keep a person on their toes. or else life is secretly mocking us behind our backs at our sheer naivity. one does begin to wonder.

Seeing

i saw you
walking down the street
a single smile that crossed my face
all because of you

i saw you
looking back, head held high
just a nod to say you know
how much you affect me

i saw you
look away again, walk a little faster
away from my sight and
the hurt that's evident inside

i saw you
this time i looked away
before you had the chance to see me
and kill the joy i had

life is relatively harmless to me right now. even though i didn't do exactly what i would consider well on the math test, life is harmless. for now. it's just 2 more days to a much needed holiday, of which is already packed. but anything is better than studying right? there is much to do and little time to do it.

and hey, the poems are all 100% me. as in, original. not. me me.

past all thoughts
past all feelings
a word called believing
something that was never real
what can never be
is definately not meant to be
---------------------------

i walk away
leaving a part of me
there's nothing
memories of yesterday
better gone than remembered
tears that never form
water that drowns
fire that burns
yet they still cant kill
the feeling in my heart
--------------------------

wrote this a while back. it's posted in my blog about a year ago or so. damn, i'm good. *ego, watch the ego*

i am so happy
so so happy.
nothing can spoil my mood.
i'm just feeling oh so good
the sky is clear
the bees are here!
and the party's just going to start.
can you believe this stupid thing comes from my heart?
----------------------------------

that one *points upward* is pure insanity. not creative genius

leave me all alone
to face the stormy waters
take me away
from this hell or grave
nothing comes from within
the whispers echo around
the fire burns
and then consumes
------------------------------

this one is the real me. i'm sensing an elements pattern.

i'm sick of trying to live
in this world of pain
it's not that i want
to complain but i have to
coz there's nothing worse than
not telling the truth
that life just sucks.
-------------------------------
there's the pain thing again.

a grimace hidden behind a smile
a love hidden all this while
you'll never know
you'll never imagine

i want to live
a better life than now
i want to feel
more than i feel now

but
i don't know how

that's what hurts
heart wrenching pain
at first it strangles
and cuts through like a knife
then i lean into pain's embrace
and it hurts no more

grr... somehow i've lost the melancholy mood i had a mere minute ago. dang, i seem to be able to write better whenever i feel sad. had a full day off from school today. dang, they should have given us tuesday off as well. my ideas are a jumble. a pile of mush. not much use at all when they all spill out and i have no idea what to do with the crap that's there. enjoy my sadistic nature. i think i'm a glutton for punishment. i wonder if i do it to myself on purpose. that's human nature i guess. remind, warn yourself and in the end, throw the advice out of the window. that's the beauty of life.

and no, the poem above has nothing to do with anything. i repeat, this is just something i'm trying out. *responding to a writer's challenge and i need inspiration* *deadline coming up... gulp* better write some better shit

math test was far better than i expected. seriously. i imagined myself handing up a blank piece of paper with my name written on it. wonders of wonders. i only didn't do 15 marks worth of question. perhaps if i had more time... ah, who am i kidding? i did have all of half an hour to look through my work but inspiration failed to make it's descend into the recesses of my brain. i took enning's advice. and stared at the ceiling. it was utterly fascinating. math had never seemed so fun or exciting.

ooh la la. i realize that my blog should be more chim. i should throw around big words. that way i'll be giving off an impression that i'm much smarter than i look. or maybe it's the other way around. whatever. maths test tomorrow. i feel like throwing in the towel. history outline to come up with. i need more info. edna tan says that i need to put in more effort. i want to die. i need a sign on my head that says "cut me some slack people~!" but i think the teachers will tell us it's time to stop being a slacker and do some serious work. but please, i think i'll prefer to stay in dreamland

i'm such a ... hypocrite? whenever i see people stuck in the lala land of candied dreams, i want to give them a slap to wake up to reality. trust me, real life isn't candied dreams and sugared sweets. it's harsh. so why am i saying that i rather stay in dreamland? i must be cracking up.

people 2 years my senior came back today to collect the results. As. do you realize that we're stuck in the montony of an education system that we can never esacpe from if we ever want to succeed?

celebrated class day today. 5th of march. 5 (3). it's a cool tradition. it's also dan's birthday. he ended up cutting his lip. long story. instead of his head meeting cake, it was his teeth meeting the box on the table. oh well, looks like it's a short story. but he got a half day. silver lining in grey cloud? oh well.

math test. history outline. p3 history essay due. econs essay due. i see my death looming closer and closer in the horizon. i shouldnt be complaining so much. it's life. what more can i say? i'm too young to be keeping this kind of mood. what kind of mood? i think it's the pessimistic one. or maybe it's called realistic.

i was hyper this morning in the bus. i'm really cracking up. but i calmed down half way. seriously, i think something's wrong with me. i am never that hyper in the morning. key word, morning. no one SHOULD be hyper in the morning. i shouldn't be hyper in the morning. it's against my principles. whatever those may be.

i may seem to certain people like a real pessimist. but i'm also a idealist. part of me i guess. the pessismist side of me is the depressing one. you'll be surprised how depressing i can get. then again, some people think i'm all happy and normal. ha! you've never seen me try to really bite my sister. or even beat her up. i've tried to strangle her before. the rage just clouds my judgement. but who's to say she didn't deserve it. going off topic. i PRETEND to bite people, that's when i'm in a good mood. but when the rain comes and the rainbow disappears, you'll wish you never knew me. but that's why being my friend is so interesting. i keep people on their toes.

i hate this. this emotional high and then the wwwwwwway lows. depressing. life is certainly not being my friend. my emotions get tossed up and down. this is not some bloody rollercoaster. this is about stability and balance, which i have yet to achieve. wishing i can control my feelings. because sooner or later it'll drive me clear off the edge. i feel like giving up but the idealistic side of me just screams to hold on. emotional basket case.

oh man, tired. not studying for math test until friday. cant be bothered. i dunno wad to blog. piano was okay today, cant wait for end of the week. that's only a few hours away. yeah! and then after that... haha, cant wait for tmr... oh man, holidays are coming. coming. coming.

*starts chanting that*